I don't understand :a late night ramble

What is he trying to do?   Honestly  If someone didn't know better and they saw Chris and I you would have no idea on the state of our relationship.   

We still function as a family unit.  Part of me wonders if he wants to keep the 'family' but no deal with me spouse.  Its confusing because they are all tied together.   Its late I promised myself I could go to bed before 2am.  

I do think he has broken me though.   I had such fight in me a few months ago.  Now I don't even think he is what I was fighting for.  

I can't stay this way much longer. If money was no object we would not be living under the same roof. I don't feel respected.  

I realized I haven't checked to see if he is still communicating with her.  I imagine he is but now I don't have the heart to check. I am not  hateful person but I truly hate this woman. I realize Chris is completely responsible for what happened but still this woman is evil. I believe it completely.   She manipulated Chris. All the times he tried to pull away from her she would draw him back in. He is responsible for that but that doesn't mean I don't see the sick twisted woman this person is.   

I actually tried to put aside my hate and get to know her a bit but the deep I got all I saw was darkness.  No one can say I didn't try to be the better person. I even had lunch with the woman.  

I wonder if her husband has any idea?  Would he care? 

sigh.  I am realizing day by day that he isn't who i thought I married. Who I thought i was having my children with.  He never was.  I morn someone who never was.